So what do you do about the “it’s me or Derby ultimatum?”


I can’t take credit for the topic, but it certainly is necessary.

Derby is a hard enough enterprise to devote yourself to, but what about when your other just doesn’t support you.

It is often the case of the shoe on the other foot….Derby is primarily women, and it has been assumed for years that if the husband has an activity, of course he does it…..but now?

So on that wonderful site (Derby over 40: 3300 active skaters from everywhere still skating at over 40!) Brandy Bersi Fanning posted the question, and boy are the comments coming in…..Here are a few, I will not give the names:

“SOS has lost skaters because of it….it sucks, but it is about to happen again”

“Not yet, but it could happen….I live in fear….I try to keep things in balance but Derby has a way of taking over”

(paraphrase) “no ultimatum per se, but accused of spending too much time away from my family….I had to resign as president….and jealously of possibly having an affair with members of my gender….not used to female closeness and bonding”

“I get the ‘you like Derby more than me’. I show him how much I love him. I got this message this morning “I am the frame that gets to hold the Mona Lisa…you did great at Derby this weekend”

(paraphrase) “no flak, no jealousy….he drives me to training….he takes care of the child when I go to play or to boot camp for a weekend, I do the same for his activities”

The Commissioner: “Not quite but almost….and I was making my living from it at the time”

“I am married to a martyr who says ‘I will be fine; the kids and I are used to it…sigh’

“23 years of marriage….supporting him when he couldn’t work, 2 kids, he wouldn’t dare!”

“My significant other joined and he is now a ref….He explains that is the only way we can spend so much time together. I am lucky”

and the kicker from Tammie: “My husband loves that I am with a bunch of fine booties that wear fishnets and beat each other up”

And many other comments, many on both sides.

OK, this topic seems to affect almost all….what is your comment?

2 comments on “So what do you do about the “it’s me or Derby ultimatum?”

  1. There are those out there who “if ya can’t beat ’em….” and let it envelope them under the cloak of derby awesomeness and goodness.

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